The CHRISTIANing Podcast
The CHRISTIANing Podcast
Ep.62 - When Dads seem to be Disappearing
In a world that is wrestling with huge multi-faceted problems and increasing polarity on how to solve these major issues one stat recently came to our attention. The single most significant indicator of mass shootings is... Fatherlessness. Let that sink in and then ask yourself when is the last time in the overwhelming media coverage on shootings, violence, and guns you heard any commentator bring up the topic of fatherhood? In this episode, we take a deep dive into the current stats that are impacted by one single factor, a lack of dads in American society. We will also make our best biblical case why humans are hard-wired to need fathers to play a significant role in our lives. Enjoy!
Click here if you want to hear our previous discussion on the gun debate
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SPEAKER_00:right, and welcome back everyone to another episode of the Christianing Podcast. Thank you as always for tuning in, joining. Thank you. for everybody who has, or if you feel so led to subscribe to the pod and rate, review, give it a five star and share. Um, if this has been helpful to you, um, just huge, um, motivation and encouragement, uh, for me to, to, to keep rolling, um, is just to see people download and clicking on and, um, Kind of just that's one of the only indicators I have that so, you know, the time we're spending here is valuable to you guys. And that's really all that matters to me is that this stuff is useful and helpful to you. As I know, I have a passion for really helping us all, including myself, Christian, well in the current American community. cultural context which is a lot there's a lot of nuance there's a lot of stuff going on i know and i know there's just good people there's just good christian people out there that want to do well want to represent christ in a biblically faithful way but at the same time doesn't compromise what matters the most and just i know there's a lot of confusion sometimes where how to draw that line that's that's what we're here to do help you with really look at the word Look at kind of key important issues facing us on a daily basis and showing how to thread the needle of biblical faithfulness, but at the same time, cultural relevancy, being compassionate to what people are facing and all that good stuff. So, yeah, thank you guys for tuning in and thank you for sharing, spreading the love, sharing the love. Really, really encouraging. So today, this is a topic that we've hit a little bit in the past, but today I want to just take it dead on. We're going to look at Christianing in our modern society when dads seem to be disappearing. Now, I don't mean like they're being kidnapped or anything, but just the presence of fathers in... In just American society and in the American home seems to be, you know, kind of year after year disappearing. And I've never really, I've never really, I don't think on the podcast just really made what I believe is the clear biblical case for fatherhood in all of society. And it's something that just... And praise God, the Lord showed me at an early age, like when my, as you guys know, I got four kids. And, you know, when my oldest was just a little dude, like little infant, the Lord just really started revealing stuff to me just on my role as a father. And then I've been able to share that with in my role as, you know, being a Christian school educator to a lot of families. And And yeah, there's something I think we all need to understand about the role of a father, what God has instituted, why it matters, why it's even different than, say, motherhood. And this is where sometimes I tread sensitively because I know there's a lot of feminist kind of undertones in the church just because of I think how the church hasn't done a great job of really celebrating femininity and motherhood and things of that and really giving it its due value in society. When I mean it, I mean the feminine side of the image of God. And so because of that, there's been just a strong backlash, you know, Which I think is, to me, it's overcorrecting. It's pulling the wheel too far the other direction in an unhealthy direction. Understanding this is where my compassion comes in. I understand where it originated and what motivated it. But still, unhealthy direction is still unhealthy. And so sometimes... Discussion about the essential nature of fatherhood and its difference to motherhood can kind of ruffle some of those sensitivities. So just know that if you're in that camp, I want to walk this well. And at the same time, I'm going to make a strong case in defense of fatherhood. But at the same time, please don't take any of that to mean demeaning the value of motherhood. which I think can be assumed sometimes based on previous cultural experiences. So just know I'm mindful of that. I'm careful of that. But still, I don't want to be so careful of that that I don't boldly share the truth. And so that's kind of what this is all about. So what kind of inspired all this is just recently doing my thing, listening to my... you know, my news podcasts and stuff like that. And I heard just a crazy stat that just, it rang very true in my heart and mind, but I never thought of it in this context. And the person that I was listening to, you know, had a guest that, you know, kind of hit this stat and you're talking about school shootings and talking about mass shootings, this big problem that our society is trying to wrap its head around, like how... As a society, what can we do to stop so many innocent lives being lost because of deranged, mentally ill gunmen that get a hold of weapons and just randomly do massacres? There's one stat that is just, they said it's overwhelming, that the number one indicator of of a mass shooter like they said by far like the the second place indicator it's just not even in the same stratosphere the number one indicator of a mass shooter is fatherlessness said in every instance that is that is there there's other things like mental illness and stuff that are that can be prevalent but that not not always to the same degree um but if you have a mass shooter um you have a fatherlessness situation. That just, I don't know, that put it in a context for me that was really sobering and alarming. I'm not here to drag Christians into a gun debate. All I'll say about this is here, yes, there are two things that are involved, it looks like, fatherlessness and the presence of weapons. So I understand that the debates as far as what do we do about the weapon side of it? What do we do about the gun side of it? Now, I know people feel all kinds of ways and I'm not here to promote or, you know, we did a whole episode on, you know, the gun debate and just really kind of showed through Jesus's life, you know, kind of where he fit and on that paradigm. So you can go back. I think the episode is, it was about the Uvalde shooting. I don't remember the exact title of it, but you can go back. I think the episode is When There's a School Shooting was the title of the episode. So you can go back if you kind of want to get specific thoughts and wisdom on what to do about the gun topic. So I'm not here to drag us back into that, but just to say, based on just clear statistical analysis, the two things that we know that are present in a mass shooting is a weapon, a gun, and a person that didn't have a dad. So I can understand people feeling all kinds of ways about guns and trying to feel motivated to, okay, how do we make sure guns are in good people's hands and not in bad people's hands, you know, that I think as a society, that should be a good, honest question and a good, honest debate that, you know, hopefully we could come to some really good consensus on, obviously based on the polarization of everything that's probably impossible at this moment in time. But what about the fatherlessness? Like that's, I guess that's where what was kind of alarming to me is we have these Clearly two twin characteristics of this horrible trend in American culture. And we have a huge, like, no shortage of social media and material and just all kinds of media discussions and thoughts and debates and opinions about the gun side. But where's the conversation about that? fatherhood side and that's man that i don't know that's i would love to see us as a society start having a discussion on that like anytime you want to address mass shooting and and you feel like you want to drag it into a gun debate i don't know i just would love to have a rule well well then you also have to have a discussion you have to bring up okay so what do we do about the fatherhood issue is there anything that, that we, you know, I just, I don't know to me that might, you know, actually stop or have an impact on, on some of this stuff that we're seeing. So that was just, that was crazy to me, you know? So I looked up cause I've been, I've been involved in education, especially Christian education. I've been involved in various, um, fatherhood ministries and outreach things. So I've been aware of just kind of the, the clear statistics, stats when it comes to the presence of dads and what that means but just kind of bring us all on the same page here and these are these are stats pulled from very reputable national even government sources like the CDC and the US Department of Health and the Census Bureau and all these you know very reputable surveys and things, but 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. That's five times the average. 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. That's 32 times the average. That's crazy. 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes. That's 22 times the average. Just think about that a second. Diagnosed behavior disorders, which I'm in education, there's a lot of those diagnoses happening. A lot. 85% of all those diagnoses are from a fatherless home. You want to tell me that that's a coincidence? You want to tell me that that home impact isn't isn't a factor into kids having struggles with their, their behavior and think things of that nature. That's like, why just as an educator, that drives me nuts that that's not immediately discussed when we're, when I'm sitting at an IEP, which is individual education plan meeting with, with educators and parents and school psychologists, you know, like, and we're discussing a diagnosed behavior disorder in, why we're not talking about a lack of a father. I don't know. That's kind of stuff that drives me nuts because it gets me to ask the question, do we really care? Do we actually want to help this child or do we just want to look like we're helping and just kind of continue to perpetuate different narratives that people have? Another stat, 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes. That's 14 times the average. And then 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes, nine times the average. So that's just, there's literally a hundred of these stats and the impact of not having a father. Those were just some of the more glaring ones. Here's another one that's... A daughter, a girl without a father is seven times more likely to become pregnant as a teen. Like I said, there's tons of this stuff. And there's 18.4 million children without a biological step or adopted father in their home. 18.4 million. This is a big deal. To me, it's... if we really care about societal ills and issues and fixing things in our culture, when it comes to even things like mass shootings, when it comes to teen pregnancy, I'm a big proponent of being efficient with your time, not wasting time. Well, if I knew that there's this one factor that had its fingerprints on so many major societal ills, like Even as a non-Christian, I would be like, let's put our eggs and resources in that basket. So that's just kind of where I'm at. So I just wanted to take some time here to just kind of make the biblical case for why fatherhood in particular, why these stats exist. Because these stats exist because God designed things to work a certain kind of way. And when that design is altered or perverted or whatever, that's where the symptoms start to come. But how did God give us a heads up on this? So that's what I want to get into the word of the day. There's probably a hundred places to go on this, but I picked one place where I think it just helps me. set up the proper mindset of understanding fatherhood so got a great word of the day and then we'll pull you know four quick conclusions out of it that i think can just help us as christians maybe be on the cutting edge maybe being leaders in this in this area for our nation um obviously being leaders in our church community obviously but uh but yeah we can if We can start solving some of these big issues. Man, our influence in society as a whole is going to gain quite a bit. So let's dive in. Where the day comes, John 14, 6 through 11. It's a verse that you know very well, but we'll kind of look at it, not just John 14, 6, but beyond a little bit. And as I read it, I just want you to be cognizant and aware of the term Father and what role it plays in just these few verses. Okay, so let's read, pull out some conclusions, and yeah, go about our days. So, John 14, 6, Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on, you do know him and have seen him. Verse 8, Philip said to him, Lord, show us the Father and it is enough for us. Jesus said to him, have I been with you so long and you still don't know me? Philip, however, whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, show us the Father? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you, I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father is in me, or else believe on account of the works themselves. Here in these just quick verses, the Father between Jesus and Philip is spoken ten times. And the whole... Even the most known verse of it, John 14, 6, I am the way, the truth, the life. We know that as Christians, but what's the whole point of that verse? No one comes to the Father. Jesus is the way to the Father. He is the truth that reveals to us the truth of who our Father is. And He is life. He is the life that actually gives us the connection to a life that is connected to the Father. And Jesus is like, if you know me, you know my dad. If you know me, you know the Father. So he is, when we're in Christ, what we get from that is a relationship with a Father. So language matters in the Bible. I can't answer all the why questions here. I can't. All I know is if the masculine parent term is used by Jesus, we need to pay attention to that. And again, get out of this kind of your social justice mindset where everything has to be fair. When I say social justice, I don't mean like in the modern, I mean in the five-year-old context to where if this person gets five Skittles, I better get five Skittles. You know, I mean, that's what I mean, like this kind of social justice mindset that we're all born with, that when we were three years old, we were able to make declarative statements. That's not fair. That's we were all we have this social justice mentality. And that's really what kind of fuels so much of our angst and our frustration with like gender differences and things of that nature, because we just we see it through that. Well. If Jesus is the way to the Father, well, obviously he has to be the way to the mother. Otherwise, the mother isn't as important. You know what I mean? It's like you've got to get out of that mindset because we're losing the good stuff. We're losing what Jesus actually came to do and to be. And we just have to know that there's just equal value I've made that case on past episodes. The Bible is clear the equal value between the sexes, femininity, masculinity, and everything that comes out of those sex differences, equal, 100% equal in value. Just not the same in function. They're just not the same in function. And there's a reason for that. There's a reason for that. Because God wanted us to not just hear a gospel message. He wanted a gospel message to be experienced as well. He's the master teacher. For us teachers, we know that until a student experiences something, they won't really understand it or be able to master it. It can't just be a mental concept. We know that. So every day we plan and we break our backs, bending over, trying to figure out how do I make this lesson real to my students, to where they actually experience it. God designed us like that. So he's given us the academic, verbal, mental gospel message. And then he's like, but I'm going to build an entire societal family structure. so that it is experienced. It can be lived in actual flesh. All that to say, we do not want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. And that's what happens so often when we just get hung up in the social justice. Everything has to be the same. Otherwise, they can't be both equal value. It's just not true. And what stinks is we're losing the father. The father. So, anyways, that's my first soapbox I'll get off and we'll actually get into what I had intended to talk about here, but So really what we see are how humans are hardwired. And that's kind of how I want you to think about it. We have a hardwiring. It's like the computer that I'm recording this podcast on, it's hardwired a certain way. It has no ability to function apart from how it's been hardwired. So that's the same with us. We have a hard DNA wiring system. That is whole body. It is spiritual. It is mental. It is physiological. It is psychological. It is all of it. It is all hardwired. It is all connected. It is not just veins and blood. It is our DNA. The very fiber of our being has all these facets just imbued into them. Here in this passage, Jesus kind of opens our eyes to how we're hardwired when it comes to fatherhood because again jesus called god father now we know in genesis all made in the image of god so from god comes both femininity and masculinity that's that's how we know equal and value that's how we know we know image of god we know means equal in value both are indispensable but when it comes to how we've been hardwired to to flourish in society, we know that there's different functions and forms to gender and parental roles and things of that nature. So first thing, we see that fathers have greater influence on our core identity. The social science bears that out. The Bible bears that out. Jesus called him Father. So what we know is Dad's answer the big question. Am I valuable? Christian, non-Christian. That's why so many of these things break down. These... Life behaviors break down like runaways and homelessness and behavior disorders and anger problems. That all stems from a lack of value in your identity. You do all that because there's something deep that's broken. The hard wiring is disconnected. God designed it. So that as a child, even as a young child, our father is the one that those deep identity questions get answered from. Not that moms don't play a role. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying it's different. It's different. I can't tell you how many single moms I talk to that recognize this because they live it every single day with their children. If you have an issue with this stuff, I tell you just go find a bunch of single moms and just ask them what they need. I'm sure there's exceptions to every rule, but the ones that I talk to are like, I need a father for my kids. And that's the pain of their hearts is that whatever happened in their life circumstance, they weren't able to provide that for their children. Because they just feel it. They just feel the daily... lack in that area. Dads, for all kids, answer the question, am I valuable? That's why if you're a dad out there, the most important thing you can do for your kids, the absolute most important thing you can do for your child in any way you see fit is, I see you and you're valuable to me. I see you, I love you, you're valuable to me. If that's the only thing you do, you have done your child the biggest service you could. All these things that happen in our society come from this brokenness and this lack that God designed it comes from the Father. So that's the first thing. And this is just where moms and females... We all have to submit, every single one of us, male, female, moms, dads, all of us at some point have to submit something at the foot of the cross. We all do. There's something about us, our pride, whatever, that goes against the gospel mission of God. It will all look different for all of us, and it looks different based on what gender you are and things of that nature. This is just something I highly encourage. As a mom, just understand God didn't design these questions to get answered from me. It's not like you just give up, throw up your hands. I just submit myself to that. Because Jesus made it clear God was the Father and He is the way to the Father. We get our identity as people from God. our communion and relationship with the father. Now, if Jesus said mother, all bets are off. We're talking about something completely different. Okay. But we just, we got to take it. We got to take it as, as it's read. And so there's difference. And this is, this is one of the big difference. I can do a whole motherhood podcast too, just to show you what's essential about that role. But Today, we're focusing on dads. And this is the big one. This is the big one. We just got to realize that this question gets answered from dad. It can't get answered from best friend. It can't get answered from therapist. It can't get answered from youth pastor in those roles. Okay, so that's why I'm saying like dads in society, we have to fight for this. We have to fight for this. Okay, so that's the first thing. We have to recognize fathers have greater influence on our core identity. Okay, two. Verse six, we see we are all on a quest for a good dad. Again, that's part of our hardwiring. That's what we're finding here. We're learning how we're hardwired. We're seeing that right away. Verse six, no one comes to the father. Jesus just throws that out there like that's assumed. We're all on this quest for Dad. We're all looking for Dad. That's what was violated and broken in the Garden of Eden. Is that we had Dad. We had Dad in its fullness. And then... Adam and Eve did their thing. You know how it goes. They covered themselves and hid from the Father. And that perfect communion was broken. That perfect identity receiving relationship was broken. And so Jesus came. We have to reestablish that. So he's moving on the correct assumption that That's the human plight. We're all on a quest for a good dad. Okay. So that's first two points. Very important. Now we're going to look the next two. We're going to look at what this means individually and what this means societally. Okay. So individually, I got good news. I got good news. Only Jesus can ultimately satisfy that quest. All right, this is what Jesus is saying. And he's talking to people with fathers. He's talking to people with good dads, no dads, bad dads, and everybody in between. No one comes to the Father except through me. He said, if you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on, you do know him and you have seen him. And look at verse 9, whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, show us the Father? As he was answering Philip. So, good news. Individually, that quest for identity, those, am I valuable? Am I ultimately even those of us with good dads, great dads? Jesus still is the only way to fulfill that. what was lost in the fall. And I say that good news because your fatherhood situation doesn't have to determine your future experience and your future flourishing. That's great news because it doesn't matter what type of dad you had, Jesus is the only way to the good father because ultimately we're all seeking that perfect dad. all of us deep down in our, in our heart. Um, I heard this story. It's interesting. I heard this story well before Donald Trump was president. Um, at actually a fatherhood event I was at where Donald Trump, the, like the real estate mogul was named, um, I think person of the year life magazine person of the year, which fat chance him ever winning that now, but that's beside the point. This was like in the, you know, in the nineties. And so he gave a speech, um, He spoke and he took questions and he said, what motivates you? What drives you to, you know, just keep pursuing success and wealth and all this stuff? And he pulled, he had a briefcase. He pulled the Life Magazine article where he's on the front cover, Donald Trump, man of the year. And he waved it in the air and said, is that good enough, dad? Is that good enough, dad? all of Donald Trump's striving to become the richest, most successful, most powerful person, he had the wherewithal to understand that that came from this quest that he was on to have a relationship with and to earn a relationship with his dad. And unfortunately, that's many people's experiences trying to earn, excuse me again, trying to earn that wealth that love and that relationship and we just know that's not the gospel but um so jesus jesus is the only way to to ultimately get what everybody is after and it's so that that quest can be solved today for you so if that hasn't been solved and You've just been plagued by identity issues because of whether you had a dad who tried hard, just wasn't around enough, or you didn't have a dad, or you had a terrible dad. Good news for you. That can get fixed today. So I say that because we want to make sure we don't build an idol out of earthly dads. That's important. We don't want to be so focused on fixing the societal needs that we miss the free invitation of Christ in the gospel to fix what really is plaguing us individually. So, very important for us to understand that. So, individually, only Jesus can satisfy that quest. Societally, however, now, this is where we see the social science literature just screaming at us. The more dads, the better. Individually, we take people, regardless of their fatherhood situation, we take them to Jesus and they find the father. They find what they were always looking for and never knowing how to find or how to get or how to earn or what to do. And we take them to Jesus and he just shows them the fullness of the perfect dad. But societally, we as Christians, we recognize that Answering these deep identity questions is essential for the health of a thriving society. So we always push forward. The more dads, the better. And this is, obviously, we're always evangelistic and we want Christ to be at the center of it. But even if you're not religious, you don't believe in God or whatever, still, the The data is so clear because the design, whether you believe in God or not, he's the one who designed you. And so the design is so obvious that just society, even apart from Christ, is healthier, even with non-believing dads at the wheel of their children's development. So, so important. So, because we know the design christians we champion dads that's that's what we do and you know and we've been we've been good at this we have so many family um kind of family councils in in evangelicalism i think unfortunately a lot of those have been hijacked um by political motivations but by and large, think about focus on the family, the family research council, all these family, family, family, there's Christians leading those things. And I just think it's important for us all to know why. I think sometimes we do it because we think it's a moral imperative. You know, it's not. It's because we want society to flourish. We believe that's And we believe the Bible gives us the key to that. And that's fatherhood. That's dads. So we need dads. We promote, we encourage believers, non-believers, dads, dads, dads. So whatever I can do to lend my influence voice to encourage a dad, I'm going to do it. I'm all in. And I encourage you to do the same. And that's because it's just too helpful. It's too all-encompassing of an issue. It impacts too many core ills of our society. So societally, the more dads, the better. Individually, Jesus, Jesus, you're seeking a good dad. You're seeking the perfect dad, and that can only be found in Christ. There's no such thing as a perfect dad. No such thing. As a father of four, I want you to know I'm very well aware of the issues that my children have because they've been parented by a fallen, sinful father. I'm... of the things in my own children that are going to have to be redeemed by the blood of Christ only because they had the less than version so again we're not setting up idolatry here we just society always works best when it works according to the way it's been designed and by God's grace he revealed that design to us through his word so That's my case. That's my, I think, my best promotion of fatherhood in all circumstances. So take that just as encouragement and motivation to move forward. Do everything you can to cure fatherlessness, whether that's spiritually through Christ, the only way, cure that issue or it's societally through you know if you know single moms that what what the research also I do want to say this research also suggests that that biological father figure can be replaced and you can get the same it doesn't have to be a biological father figure it's just a man that the that the the child sees in that fatherhood role it doesn't have to be blood it So even societally, kids aren't stuck in their situation. So Christians were about, I was just at a meeting, I think two weeks ago at my church. And at that meeting, a single mom stood up. She was a volunteer at the church. And she's just like, my passion, my calling is as a single mom is to help us single moms find dads for our kids. And she was just asking the church, like, church, can you help us? And I was just like, yes, we better. We better. So if you're a man listening to this episode, there is a younger person in your life that you could be more than just a mentor for. You could be a dad. So pray. Ask the Lord. Open my eyes. Who is that person that... I could be a part of. You can answer. You don't have to be this amazing hip celebrity pastor, charismatic. No. All you have to do is answer the question, am I valuable? Do you see me? Do you love me? Any of us can do that. We just have to get over ourselves, get over our own insecurities, take the risk of being rejected by a teen or a younger person and just... Say, hey, I'm going to be a part of answering that question. And trust me, you will have success. So get involved, whatever it is, however the spirit leads you. Let's be the church. Let's be the people that brings dads in a meaningful way to the table, by all means necessary. All right? We good. I think that's it for now. Thank you all for listening. If you thought of anybody that you're like, oh man, this is... This would so encourage this person or whatever. Please, please share away. Thank you so much for tuning in as always. I love you until next time, Christian. Well, everyone have a great, great week.